Spoilers get a bad rep. That's understandable. When you're reading a book or watching a movie, you'd like to do so without already knowing what happens. It seems to take away the fun of the story if you already know where the story is going.
Spoilers don't really bother me too terribly much though. Stories, whether they are in books or movies, seem to follow some pre-scripted notions. For the most part, we know the guy gets the girl. The protagonist achieves her goal. The kids gets to keep the puppy. Right? It's not very often that you begin a story without having some kind of an idea about where it ends up.
It's the details of the story I care about. The way the pieces intertwine to make the characters come alive. To make me feel the anguish of the man as he chases after his love. To have me on the edge of my seat as the main character stumbles time and again on her road to victory. To have me crying tears of sorrow as the puppy gets lost and then tears of joy as he finds his way home again.
But while those details are fun in a story, they can be maddening in real life. Real life doesn't follow the same scripts as the fictional world. The guy doesn't always get the girl. The protagonist doesn't always reach the goal she was striving for. Sadly, sometimes, the puppy just doesn't make it.
This past year has been quite a whirlwind for our family. I'm still processing it. I'm a verbal processor, can you tell? When I'm dealing with something I talk about it. Sometimes in person with my husband or my mom. Sometimes through text messages and emails between friends. And sometimes I process right here on this blog. (My goal isn't to be preachy. I'm mostly talking to myself and trying to come to my own conclusions. If you see yourself in my problem and my solutions make sense to you, that's just an added bonus.)
I've had a lot of people telling me that "things would be okay" or that "it would all work out in the end." And in a way that's true. I know where my story ends up. I have faith that God has a plan for my life. I also know that the script only gets passed along to me one paragraph at a time. I've seen the last page. I know where I'm headed. I just have no idea how many pages this story has. How many chapters are there?
So I can honestly say that the events of this past year haven't really tested my faith. I know that things will all ultimately work out, but that doesn't make dealing with hardship any less difficult. With a miscarriage there is no happy ending. I take comfort in the fact that we will see Lucky again in heaven, but that doesn't lessen the sorrow.
I've never truly believed that we would be homeless, but with the local real estate market at a record low and home rentals outrageously priced in a college town, there have been some really stressful months. I knew we would find a place to live. We had friends offer us their basement. Townhouses are plentiful, but not ideal for us. There would certainly be a solution, but not knowing the specifics is allowed to be stressful.
At this current moment, we have signed a lease to rent a house. The terms are much better than I could have realistically predicted. The house is in a good location and we'll have plenty of room. We'd still like to buy a house, but this gives us time and space to do that without the stress of a lease ending or not having access to our stuff.
I allowed some people their "I told you so moment," but I, too, knew it would work out. I just didn't know how and that was how my anxiety levels were so high. Spoilers wouldn't have helped here. It's the details that got to me.