Friday, May 6, 2016

My Fellow Americans

My fellow Americans,

The die has been cast. The numbers are in. The prospect is bleak.

I ask you. No! I beg you. Please consider another option: Me!

I will ensure coffee for everyone (who wants it). And a filter (haha) for Facebook coffee memes for those of us who do not partake.

I promise a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage. Unless you're vegetarian. Then you can have some tofu, or something. And if you're an environmentalist, you can have a bike instead. Or some new hiking shoes. I don't know!

Early bedtimes will be strictly enforced for all. Parents included. And naps. Guaranteed naps!

Big government? Small government? How about medium government?? That sounds good, right?

And private-stalled bathrooms at Targets everywhere. You just pick whichever one you want. They all have changing tables. And panic buttons near the toilet, just in case junior tries to unlock the door and make a run for it!

Taxes? I have no idea! Obviously the government needs money to run on, so let's just have everyone pay the same percentage.

And term limits for those in public office. You can come back after a break if the people liked you that much, but politicians should have to get out and live in the real world every few years, otherwise they forget what it's like out here.

Now here's where I have to be honest. I have no idea how to make any of this actually happen, but it all sounds pretty good, right? And that's what it takes to get elected. Telling people what they want to hear and then winging it once you're in office. Well, let me tell you: I am an expert at winging it! I have been flying by the seat of my pants for so long, I don't know any other way to do it. In fact, if you promise not to tell Karen, I'll let you in on a secret: I'm writing this less than an hour before it's due! Shhh!! It's our secret!

You've been reading a Secret Subject Swap. This week 13 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. My subject is "You are running for president. What is your platform?" It was submitted by Karen at Baking in a Tornado.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado
Southern Belle Charm
Not That Sarah Michelle
Spatulas on Parade
The Bergham Chronicles 
The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
My Brain on Kids 
The Lieber Family Blog 
Never Ever Give Up Hope 
Confessions of a part time working mom
The Angrivated Mom

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