Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Ten Things NOT to Buy my Kids

This post was originally published last year on another blog. That web-publisher is now defunct, so I am publishing it again here.

There are lots of posts floating around the interwebs right now about the "perfect" gift for moms, kids, aunts, neighbors, pets, mailmen,etc. I have even sought out a few myself for gift ideas to give relatives. Then I click on these links and some of them crack me up!! Trust me, if you want to stay friends with me, you’d better not buy some of that stuff. Especially the lists for kids!!
Since I am in a generous mood right now, I thought I’d share with you my list of "Ten Things You’d Better Not Buy My Kids for the Holidays if You Want to Stay Friends" (Alternately titled: Things I’m buying my niece…KIDDING!)

1. Things that make noise. OK, fine you can buy something that makes noise, but make sure it has an off switch! We have a Joker Castle in our dining room that just about gives me a heart attack every night when out of nowhere it yells,"Ha ha ha! The joke’s on you Batman!"

2. Things that are out of the appropriate age range. Sure, your kid might be advanced for his age, but I’m not sure you’re going to find any 3-year old who is ready for a skateboard. A full sized skateboard like the one my brother bought my son a few years ago. Really! Are you going to pay the hospital bills?

3. Anything with small pieces (unless it comes with a storage container). I’d be okay with Legos if you also bought one of those big Lego head storage things I saw in Target last week. Or lots of shelves for my husband, ahem, to store his creations on. Because apparently once you put together the entire Lego Pirates of the Caribbean pirate ship you cannot ever take it apart!
 
4. Messy stuff. My daughter loves that "paint your own whatever-the-heck-that-is," but now there’s paint all over the place. And it’s bed time, so guess who gets to clean it up?? I’ll admit to poor timing on my part, but there are only so many times you can deny a gift after it’s been given!
 
5. Candy. Trust me. I’ve got that covered. A million times over. And if you give a special one to Henry, he will remember. It cannot be added to the general candy population because IT IS HIS!!!
 
6. Stuff that’s breakable. Seriously, people?! I can’t believe I have to write that down! They are kids for crying out loud!! Don’t give them something fragile and expect it to not break!
 
7. Clothes "to grow in to." I’ll allow one size up, but anything more than that and you are just leaving me with arguments about why they can’t wear that really cool shirt that looks like a dress because it’s too big.
 
8. Things for my kids to share. Nope. They don’t. Especially when it comes to gifts. Things that have been in the house for a while are usually okay, but the novelty of something new makes it very hard for them to take turns and they all want to claim ownership. This will almost guarantee your gift being placed in timeout (AKA the top shelf of my closet) until we all forget about it.
 
9. Gifts that are useless without a thousand accessories (not included, of course). We once had zhu zhu pets. They look fun, they run around. They don’t do much else unless you buy the houses and tracks and other toys. And don’t get me started on the crap they pick up off the carpet if you don’t buy those other things to put them in.
 
10. Stuffed animals. No! These things reproduce like Mogwai in a bubble bath, or hangers in the back of the closet, or... stuffed animals under the bed. We have enough already. Actually we had "enough" a few years back. Now we’ve got way too many!

What kinds of toys are off limits in your house?


39 comments :

  1. I think you know what I would say (and it is one word)...PLAYDOH!!! Seriously after my experience that led to being including in MOAM this is truly the one thing still not a fan of and have not budged on. But a few of your others are on my list, too, especially the noisy toys!

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  2. That Joker castle is freaky! My kids are scared to death of him even though they have never seen the movie so that would terrify them and me!

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  3. OMG, we have that puzzle! It neighs when the lights go out!

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  4. On ours it's either the dog barking or the fish bubbling. Scared the crap out of me at first!

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  5. I agree about the small pieces. Those tiny pieces can be a pain! Lol.


    ~Whitney
    www.whitneynicjames.com

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  6. I was laughing and nodding my head along in agreement to every one! Especially when I got to "8. Things for my kids to share. Nope. They don’t."!!

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  7. Yes! I hate the noisy toys or the ones that take forever to put together.

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  8. Rabia I have to agree with you on the noisy toys and the stuffed animals. My husband suggested we get stuffed animals for my twins this year and I had to stop him in his tracks. We have a whole bunch already! ~Nina

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  9. Number 8 - yup. Now that we have 2 who are so close in age (and the younger one understands that toys can be played with??) - um, no. :)

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  10. The Dose of RealityDecember 10, 2014 at 4:55 PM

    OMG, I am SO with you, especially on #8! I was crying with laughter at the Joker castle...we have a castle that does something similar, but when I got to the sharing one I nodded so hard my neck aches!-Ashley

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  11. YES!!!! I men NO! I mean . . . I agree with all of this!!! Especially the messy stuff, the stuff that needs accessories, and the stuffed animals. I wholeheartedly agree with the toys that make noise, too, but fortunately since my kids are older now, we don't get many of those. Great list!!!!

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  12. Uh-oh! This makes perfect sense! LOL. I can't even begin to explain how the heck my son got soooo many toy trucks and toy cars at home. Every two weeks, he has a new one! I can't even see our bedroom floor anymore when I wake up. Haha

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  13. If Scarlet gets a new stuffed animal, Cassidy will sarcastically say, "What?? That's something you don't have enough of!"
    She has like.. thousands.
    And lots of noisy stuff too!

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  14. Patty Maro MoliternoDecember 10, 2014 at 11:42 PM

    I felt that way about Playdoh with my first 3 kids. I only let my daughter play with Playdoh outside on the concrete in the basement. After my first three, I didn't get pregnant for 9 years. Then I had 2 more boys. I decided life was too short. I throw a big beach towel on the kitchen floor and let them play with it. My son would play for hours. I am so glad that I changed my rules!

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  15. We still get some noisy toys, but not as many as when they were young. It seems that all the cars these days have to come with engine revving sounds. It's like living at a racetrack!!

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  16. Mine pick up toy cars everywhere! they even have them from the dentist's office!

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  17. OMG, Henry's fallen out of bed twice because he has too many stuffed animals in there. Once I tried to limit it to five, and he cried so hard I thought he was actually injured!

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  18. I don't mind play-doh all that much, but maybe that's why my kids don't play with it! It doesn't annoy mom enough, so it's no fun!

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  19. HaHa - great list!!!
    Just wait, when they get a little older you will be struggling to find stuff to buy for your kids.

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  20. You mean stuff I can afford!?! I'm already having a tough time this year with Frances. And when I ask her she says there's not really anything she wants!

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  21. I'm laughing that smug laugh of a parent who has been there, done that and is now thankfully pretty much out the other side! Sorry about that! Amen to them all, except maybe the sharing one, my kids shared their first ever playstation, a joint present was the only way that was possible, and that worked out pretty good. I guess they knew it was share or nothing!

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  22. Oh my goodness--the toys that make noise! Over a decade ago now, someone gave one of my little sisters this robot baby that cried when it wasn't taken care of properly....and it wasn't exactly taken care of properly, so it would randomly start crying from the depths of the toybox or closet or wherever it was and we'd have to dig it out and make it stop!

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  23. Haha I can so relate. Especially to gifts that make sounds. My son has a Buzz Lightyear that speaks some of the key phrases from the movie. I really really love that toy. Really.


    Lego isn't for my son yet, we've tried with the smaller packs but he just ended up tossing around the small pieces, which freaks me out because I "need" it to remain properly build. Yes, I belong to that faction. So for now we stick with Lego Duplo (aka the under 5 version) and some selected Playmobil.


    Stopping by via the SITS Sharefest btw. Have a nice weekend!


    Alex - Funky Jungle

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  24. Oh, the age-inappropriateness that possess my mother-in-law every year! This year, she's on the hunt for a toy vacuum cleaner for my almost four-year-old son. Two years ago, he would have been all about it, but he's moved on to big-boy toys - Ninja Turtles, Transformers, HotWheels... I guess I'll have the perfect thing to regift to my two-year-old niece in January! Stopping by from SITS.

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  25. Holy cow, do you remember those flipping Polly Pockets with the mini rubber clothes, right up the vacuum! SAND BOX, yes a SAND BOX, who does that? Well my MIL does that, WHY? I. HAVE. No. IDEA!!!! Other than to annoy the crap out of me!!! Oh those Toma Gatchi It was a little electronic animal on a keychain that you fed! Oh and those Furby's, what the heck, literally had to walk that down the street and dispose of in a neighbors trash can!!!! Anything like you said that has to be built and then they think BECOMES A PERMANENT DECORATION!!!!!! No, just NO!!!! Playdoo, no, no, no I am slightly OCD, just no! As for the age appropriate, come on people me doing it all IS NO FUN FOR THE KID!!!!! There, thanks that felt like therapy :)

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  26. Oh I totally get that. I am so grateful that most of my family either asks us what to get the kids and then actually gets it, or they send cash. Either way is a complete winner!

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  27. I concur, just say no to possessed toys:) xo

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  28. Danielle @ Where's The Mama?December 15, 2014 at 10:32 AM

    Haha! Great list. I completely agree with you and appreciate your sense of humor :)

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  29. We have to have a "honeymoon period" for all new toys in my house. The first 24 hours it belongs solely to the person who received it. After that it's pretty much fair game. Shared toys just take a LOT of supervision the first few days until the newness wears off.

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  30. Oh no! That's awful! I've taken the batteries out of the Joker castle, but we still have an animal puzzle that makes noises randomly and I can't figure out how to get it to stop.

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  31. Thanks for stopping by, Alex! Our Legos have to stay confined to a tray if the kids want to build with them. That mostly works for now, but they still do make a mess.

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  32. Re-gifting is awesome! Henry saw that skateboard in the basement last week and got mad because I wouldn't let him ride it!

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  33. Oh, Polly Pockets!! The thing I hated was the fact that my kids could never dress them on their own. I always had to do it. I played with those dolls more than the kids!

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  34. We have Legos, but they are only allowed in a limited area. I do hate that my kids want to build the kits and have a hard time just creating with them.

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  35. Most of my family asks for suggestions too, some of the gifts come out of left field though!

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  36. We also have an animal puzzle that barks randomly in the middle of the night! That thing freaks me out!!

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  37. Thanks Danielle! I'm glad it made you laugh. :)

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  38. My kids don't usually want to play with play-doh. I actually like it, but I just squish it around and use it as stress relief!

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  39. Yes, I so agree with you.... Ugh, on off on off!!! Enough to make you loose them all one day... Oh wait shhhh, don't tell them that!!! :)

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