My calendar says I am supposed to write a post about my retreat this past weekend. That's fine, but looking at my calendar now and seeing my Cursillo mentioned for just this one day is odd. It's like having this one little blip and then life goes back to normal. But that's not what is supposed to happen and that certainly isn't what I want to have happen. I went on the retreat for renewal and change, so I hope that my life is drastically different now.
Coming home was interesting. I was tired and overwhelmed, but also excited to see my family again. Ken came out to meet me and I hugged him tight. That was quiet and peaceful. Then I walked in the house and the kids screamed "MOMMYY!!" and jumped all over me. That's pretty much what I expected and I truly was fine with it. I was happy to see them and glad that they had missed me, but otherwise made it though the weekend just fine.
The rest of the evening was loud and crazy. The kids yelled and fought with each other. There was a potty accident. Certain children refused to put on their pajamas. Bedtime was scattered and stressful. In other words, last evening was normal.
That's my challenge. To be a different person in the same world. To be a different person, but also to be the same Rabia that I've always been. Or rather, me; but better. Is that possible?
There was a woman at my table who told a story about finding pennies on the sidewalk or in the grass and taking them as a message to her. That's not unusual, honestly. I've heard that sentiment from lots of people. What is odd, though, is that shortly after she shared that idea with me, one of the speakers also told a similar story. And then I started finding pennies.
We had a moment as a table group to pray together outside. A leaf fell from the sky right onto our prayer space. It was a beautiful yellow leaf with one red spot in the middle. A table-mate likened that spot to a drop of Christ's blood.
Julie and I took a walk through the woods up on the mountain. Two out-of-the-ordinary things happened. First, we spoke to each other for 45 minutes straight without a child needing potty assistance or otherwise being interrupted! Secondly, just as we were finishing our second lap and getting ready to head back to the main room, we saw a deer in our path. We stood and watched each other for a bit before heading on with our respective business.
Those three very normal, yet very profound occurrences touched me very deeply. I will never again find a penny on the ground without thinking of Donna and Kate and Cursillo. Leaves falling will forever remind me of praying together in our group and finding Jesus among us. Deer will cross my path and I will thank God for the beautiful friendship that Julie and I share and the way were were able to deepen our faith together.
I have found the sacred in the profane. My goal is to continue to seek out the sacred in my every day life. Even when the kids are fighting or resisting me. In those instances, I will be the same mommy, but better.