Thursday, August 7, 2008

How to be an idiot

Alternately titled "I fought the drink machine and the drink machine won!"
Since my bunny chasing tutorial was such a hit, I thought I would try again. This one is near and dear to my heart.
  • Step 1: Don't eat breakfast. This will ensure that you are not only hungry, but thirsty as well.
  • Step 2: Go out in the hot sun with your class. Notice that you are very thirsty.
  • Step 3: Attempt to buy a drink from the machine. First start by rooting through your new purse that your mom bought you because she didn't like your other one. You know the one that has way too much junk in it. Discover a quarter and a Susan B. Anthony dollar.
  • Step 4: Notice that there is a quarter stuck in the drink machine. Pull out the scissors in your purse (see step 3) to push the quarter in farther. Insert the rest of the money.
  • Step 5: Select drink and push button. Listen to the whirring sounds inside the machine. Wait...listen...wait...listen. Notice that the display is blinking "sold out."
  • Step 6: Select a different drink. Repeat Step 5.
  • Step 7: Decide that you are not actually thirsty. Push coin return. BONUS! You made 25 cents through your clever scissor maneuvering.
  • Step 8: Go back to park bench to watch kids play. Comment to Kristen about your money making skills. Think about drinking something. Feel yourself getting thirstier. Decide to try again.
  • Step 9: Dig 5 quarters out of your purse. Leave purse at bench and walk to machine. Insert the quarters in drink machine. Notice that machine does not credit you for one of the quarters. FUME! That machine stole my quarter that I stole from it fair and square!! Go back to purse to retrieve additional quarter.
  • Step 10: Try the "sold out" drinks again-JUST IN CASE! Select other random buttons. Watch machine flash "sold out." Keep pushing buttons and listening to whirring sounds. OOH OOH It says VEND!! Wait for mystery drink to come out....




  • Step 10: Concede defeat to victorious drink machine. Turn away and notice "out of order" sign on the ground next to machine.

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